Snarky Hapa Says...

I am a professional hospital parent. I don’t say that to brag or gloat, because no one wants that honor. It just became incredibly clear this time around, as so many of the nurses and doctors and PT/OTs commented on my full-size bottle of Cholula on the counter. I don’t mess around. I come prepared.  And it occurred to me that I probably had a whole bunch of stuff in my bag that I didn’t think to pack in my rookie days. In addition to my glorious bottle of Cholula, I packed my noise machine, 2 eye masks, 2 ipad/phone...

Today is discharge day and I’m terrified! It’s kind of like having a newborn as a first time parent because you don’t really feel qualified to be sent home with the kiddo without the nurses coming along.  Don‘t get me wrong, I am super excited for us to be reunited again as a family. But I’m terrified of hurting her, moving her the wrong way, not staying ahead of her pain, making her afraid of me touching her or being moved, and just generally doing things wrong. Cleaning her wrong, putting her brace on wrong, rolling her on her side...

Soooo Hailee is in surgery as we speak! The ENT has already put in her ear tubes (a surgery I almost forgot was being done at the same time…) and now it’s the complicated hip part. So while we wait for Hailee’s surgery to be done I thought I’d share another repeat trauma medical mamas go through: fighting with strangers to protect your child.  It is exhausting. Let’s start with that. There’s just so much anxiety and adrenaline wrapped up in little moments that complete suck all the life energy out of you. Because I’m not trying to be an...

So we are T-minus 6 days until Hailee's next surgery and I am partly in denial that it is actually happening that soon because I don't feel ready. I never do. Each of her surgeries has given me a unique flavor of anxiety and this time is no different.  Hailee's first surgery in Feb 2019 - a partial laminectomy to decompress her spinal cord - was by far the most terrifying. We were coming fresh off her rare disease diagnosis and the news that her spinal cord was at risk. She was in a 23/7 neck brace until her wonderful neurosurgeon was...